Conflicts are a normal part of children’s social development and can arise for various reasons. While they are never fun in the moment, conflicts are important social-emotional learning moments that can offer children some benefits, especially when they are resolved in a positive and constructive way.
When children learn to navigate conflicts with others, they develop essential skills such as communication, negotiation, and problem-solving. Confronting difficult social situations can teach children to see things from other people’s perspectives and build empathy for others. When children encounter conflicts, they may be forced to devise creative solutions to resolve the issue, which can help promote creative thinking and critical problem-solving skills. Resolving a dispute can be empowering to a child – when they deal with a situation on their own, they might grow in their sense of agency and self-reliance. When conflicts are resolved positively, the experience can help strengthen relationships between children and build trust and respect.
Of course, it’s worth noting that conflicts can also have adverse effects if they are not resolved constructively. For example, bullying or physical aggression can harm children’s emotional and physical well-being. It is important for parents and caregivers to teach children how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
Some common conflicts that may occur among young children include:
- Difficulty sharing and taking turns. Children often struggle with sharing toys or waiting their turn while playing, which can lead to conflicts.
- A spirit of competition can also create conflicts, causing children to argue or fight over who gets to go first or who is the best at a game or activity.
- Just like adults, children may have misunderstandings or miscommunications, leading to conflicts over things like who said what or what the rules of a game are.
- Children may struggle with understanding personal space and boundaries, leading to disagreements about touching, spending too much time together, or preventing them from engaging with multiple friends.
- Differences in personality or interests, such as one child wanting to play quietly while another wants to be loud and energetic, can also lead to conflicts.
- In more extreme scenarios, bullying or exclusion among young children can lead to prolonged conflicts and hurt feelings.
By teaching children how to communicate effectively, show empathy and respect for others, and work towards solutions, they can learn to resolve conflicts thoughtfully and build positive relationships. When teaching young children about conflict resolution, talking about conflicts before can provide a helpful way of thinking about the situation, but it won’t prevent them from happening altogether. Parents and caregivers should encourage children to talk about their feelings whenever possible so that they can identify different types of responses and learn how they relate to different situations. By being a listener to your child, you can model for them how to listen to others. The more effectively they listen to others’ perspectives, the more they will cultivate the understanding that there are two (or more) sides to their story. This can help both parties to understand each other better and work towards a resolution.
In addition to modeling good listening skills, model productive conflict resolution at home. Show your child how to listen, compromise, and find solutions to disagreements while being calm and composed. Children learn by example, and they observe their parents’ actions with devotion.
If your child comes to you seeking help for a specific conflict, teach them to consider the matter from different perspectives and evaluate the pros and cons of different solutions. Show them that their response to a conflict can be creative, and praise them for being vulnerable and willing to talk it out with you. When your child successfully resolves a conflict in a positive way, reinforce their behavior by acknowledging their efforts. This is your moment to build their confidence and reinforce the lessons they’ve learned.
Remember that conflict resolution is a process, and developing these skills takes time and practice. By providing your child with the tools and support they need to navigate conflicts with care and compassion, you can help them build healthy relationships and manage difficult situations throughout their lives.
At Maryvale, we believe in setting children and families up for long-term success as they cope with personal difficulties, including conflicts. Through our mental health services and life skills offerings for teens and adults, we set people up for a more compassionate, empathetic way of relating to one another.
