We don’t want to think about it every day, but the reality is that every person will experience profound loss and grief at some point in their life. Grief is the great equalizer and has the potential to unite people, no matter their background.
Tomorrow, August 30, join Maryvale in supporting Grief Awareness Day. While grief can feel deeply isolating, Grief Awareness Day was created to help people connect and raise awareness about the many ways we cope with loss. In a culture that barely gives grief and loss the attention and sensitivity they deserve, Grief Awareness is all about directing attention and support to people in the throes of grief and offering resources to help people communicate with those grieving.
When a loved one dies, children react differently than adults. At a young age, children may view death as temporary, unreal, or reversible. In other words – death is impossible for children to understand. Denial, disbelief, or feeling like death could never happen to them is a typical response for young children and toddlers. Grief can often show up in nonverbal ways, leading a child to regress, misbehave, or seek attention in disruptive ways. Bedwetting, babbling like a baby, and showing aggression are all typical reactions to grief among young children.
Perhaps the most essential difference between how adults and children deal with grief is a sense of permanence. Adults may feel the burden of loss in a constant way, whereas children may seem to be happy one moment and upset the next. Here are some ideas for parents who are working to manage their own grief while supporting grieving children:
Invite Discussion and Expression
Allow children to express their emotions freely and without judgment. Encourage them to talk about their feelings, memories, and thoughts. Let them know that feeling sad, angry, or confused during the grieving process is normal. Be an attentive and active listener. Pay close attention to what the child is saying and validate their emotions. Avoid minimizing their feelings or trying to “fix” the situation. Be patient and understanding, allowing the child to process their emotions at their own pace.
Tailor your communication to the child’s age and understanding. Be honest and transparent when answering the child’s questions about death and loss. Avoid using euphemisms (“she’s not here right now,” “she’s resting,” etc.), as they may cause confusion. Children are best able to make sense of what happened when their parents and the adults in their life actively confront the loss rather than trying to hide it. Being honest by acknowledging that a loss occurred and is permanent is foundational for children trying to make sense of death. Encourage the child to express their feelings through creative outlets, such as drawing, writing, or storytelling. Engaging in physical activities or spending time in nature can also be beneficial for coping with grief.
Share The Experience with Your Child
A grieving parent is bound to feel sadness, overwhelm, and loss while juggling their child’s emotional response. It is alright to be emotional in front of your child – in fact, it can help them to feel safe expressing their feelings and understanding that sadness is a normal, healthy part of the healing journey. You and your child can also share in physical comfort. Physical touch can give both of you a sense of security and comfort. Hug your child, hold their hand, or sit close to them if they are comfortable with it.
You might also want to find intimate ways to memorialize the lost loved one with your child, in addition to or beyond any formal memorial events. This can be through simple rituals, planting a tree, creating a memory box, or reminiscing about the person in your conversations.
Lean On Your Family and Community
Allow your child to spend time with friends or family members who are supportive and understanding. Sometimes, sharing experiences with peers who have also experienced loss can be helpful for the grieving process. As much as possible, try to maintain the child’s daily routines, such as mealtimes and bedtime. If you can’t offer this type of consistency to your child, lean on resources and loved ones who can support you.
When To Seek Professional Care
If you notice that your child is struggling to cope with their grief or their emotions are overwhelming, consider seeking professional support. A child therapist or counselor can provide the child with a safe space to process their feelings and offer additional coping strategies. Subtle cues that a child needs professional help might include symptoms that worsen over time – notably clinginess, insomnia, or a decline in academic performance. Watch for extreme behaviors, such as repeatedly imitating the deceased person or expressing that they, too, wish they were deceased to be closer to the person they lost. Knowledge of death can coincide with the discovery of suicidal ideation. If a child you know indicates that they are self-harming or curious about their own death, seek professional support immediately. If you need mental health support for your children and family, get in touch with our team of care practitioners.
