Parenting is one of life’s greatest joys and comes with many layers of challenges, as well. Providing children with stability, essential comforts, and affection is a substantial set of tasks for most parents. In some cases, even with all of their basic necessities squared away, children can exhibit needs or desires that feel baffling to parents or cause children to misbehave.
What is Purposeful Parenting?
As with many complex challenges in life, it can be helpful to approach problem-solving with your family by setting goals and working to accomplish them. This mindset is at the core of purposeful parenting. Purposeful parenting allows parents to create long-term goals for their children and work backward to achieve these goals as a family. Through intentional, positive framing that remains rooted in these goals as time goes on, parents can keep their eye on future results that will provide the best possible life for their children.
In the short term, purposeful parenting is all about empathizing with a child and working to understand their motivations. For instance, if a child has a crying fit, a purposeful parent might try to identify the motivation behind the fit and address it lovingly. Does the crying child need to eat or rest, or are they craving attention? Why might they feel a need to act out to get what they need? Understanding the nuances of a child’s experience can help parents reframe negative emotions and teach children coping skills that help them mature out of a negative behavioral pattern.
In a family’s day-to-day rhythms, purposeful parenting involves:
- Providing a child with the things they need to feel physically comfortable.
- Being clear about expectations.
- Staying positive.
Playfulness and curiosity are also crucial in purposeful parenting as they help adults tap into their inner child and deepen bonds between parents and children.
Tips to Support Purposeful Parenting
- Envision the end result. Setting a goal means being clear about where you want your child to be when they are 15, 18, 25, and beyond. What personality traits do you want them to have? Who in your life is a role model you can look to as you paint a more detailed picture of your desired future for your child?
- Lead with honesty. Approach age-appropriate topics like friendship, internet usage, social interactions, sex, substance use, and money with candor. The more honest you are, the safer your child will feel when talking with you about these topics.
- Approach your children with an open mind. Being an engaged, curious figure in their life is foundational to building a healthy relationship. Set aside time to be together as a family, and let your children know they are special to you.
- Be a good listener. Children’s perspectives are rich and vibrant. Don’t just ask bland questions of your child – tap in and do the work to understand the fullness of their experience.
- Model purposeful actions. Children learn by example, and when they observe you doing something – even if it feels like a small gesture – they are bound to imitate you. With that in mind, keep your actions in line with the goals you set for your child. Be a model of kindness and positivity.
- Take care of yourself. Children place enormous demands on parents – particularly on mothers. Make time for self-care and give yourself space to clear your head, participate in stress-relieving activities, and prioritize your physical and mental health. If you become overwhelmed, the purposeful parenting work you care so deeply about is less likely to remain a priority for you.
- Keep your perspective balanced. Goal setting is a very healthy practice, but it puts parents at risk of perfectionism. Don’t punish your child every time they fail to live up to a specific expectation of yours and don’t punish yourself when your plans change.
At Maryvale, we prioritize creating a positive, healthy experience for children and families across our program offerings. Our Community-Based Services integrate the Triple P, or Positive Parenting Program, one of the most effective evidence-based parenting programs in the world. Triple P gives parents simple and practical strategies to help them build strong, healthy relationships, confidently manage their children’s behavior, and prevent problems from developing. Get in touch with us to see if our family counseling services are a fit for your needs.
