Do you remember the first time you felt proud of something you did as a child? For kids between one and eight years of age, positive influences on self-esteem are a vital source of social feedback and mental stability. Self-esteem in practice means liking yourself, having confidence in your abilities, and feeling assured that others will perceive you well. Self-esteem fuels children’s ability to solve problems, tackle challenges, think critically, and try new things.
Mental health professionals talk a lot about resilience as a core component of a healthy outlook and the ability to cope with the stresses of the world. Self-esteem is another way of thinking about resilience, particularly for children whose worldview is largely formed through pattern recognition and reinforcement of key ideas and behaviors by trusted adults. Self-esteem gives kids the ability to learn, bounce back when they make mistakes, and approach new experiences with curiosity.
Here are some ways to support healthy self-esteem for children at every age:
Infants and babies do not exactly have self-esteem because their brains don’t fully understand what it means to be an individual person. That said, parents and caregivers set the stage for positive self-esteem by giving babies gentle, consistent care and responding to any sign of distress with patience and attentiveness. Smiles, snuggles, playtime, and physical contact are beneficial for babies in every way and are vital cues that reduce friction or fearfulness in early childhood development.
As babies become toddlers and begin to cultivate self-knowledge, they can connect what they are capable of and how other people react. Giving toddlers some amount of agency – say, allowing them to choose specific snacks, toys, or activities is very empowering and will enable them to control their experience. Similarly, giving toddlers the right of refusal can be very instructive. If a toddler says “no” to something an adult suggests, it can be healthy to let them have their way sometimes and feel the consequences of their decision. Teaching toddlers about social dynamics like sharing, waiting their turn, or listening helps to coach them through every step, repeat yourself, and praise them warmly when they do well.
Young children ages four to six begin to develop a more nuanced sense of their social environment and are likely to test the limits of what is considered appropriate, likable, and effective at getting attention. This age is a critical moment in forming self-esteem and helping children learn healthy ways of interacting with others while valuing themselves. Giving children a measured blend of praise and constructive feedback will help balance their perceptions of good and bad behaviors – both in themselves and in others. Help children see and celebrate other peoples’ successes and find joy in sharing positive experiences that don’t necessarily result in showering them with a lot of attention. Notice your child’s interests, and show them that you are interested as well. When adults share the enjoyment with children, they act as models for collaboration and community that are key reinforcers of self-esteem throughout a child’s development and life. When a young child does something wrong, loses a game, or performs poorly in school, encourage them to keep trying and express that you believe in them.
